‘Dark Tower’ collapses in lack of imagination

“Dark Tower” is a by the numbers fantasy that matches neither the lore nor thematic elements found in its source material.

From the very first opening credits, the audience is left confused, only to be put in what seems like the start of a young adult novel based film.

The film’s main protagonist (not Idris Elba) is Jake (Tom Taylor), a kid who keeps having strange visions of a hero known as the gunslinger (Idris Elba), and his never-ending quest of killing the Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey).

On the other hand, there is the titular McGuffin that is supposed to keep the real world, not the fantasy world that Elba resides in, from being attacked by demons.

Of all the ideas it throws out from the books, they are far too vague and simplified to the point where this film was a bad idea from the start.

The results from this are a bad-vs-evil plotline, henchmen in masks, portals to other worlds and something about being able to shoot a gun with your heart that is trying to sound like the tagline to the next “Hunger Games,” which at least try to provide some kind of societal metaphors.

Everything just goes straightforward, and nothing ever feels compelling about what can already be predicted in the next two seconds.

There is obviously not enough time or effort put in the relationship between Elba’s Rowland and Taylor’s Jake, and the pay-off to some of the shortest takes of gunplay is disappointing.

For a movie that took years to get greenlit, the CGI and overall presentation of Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” universe is given a generic valley made to look like the end of the world when it really was just a small piece of land the producers were able to afford.

Some of the more surprising things about the film was how short it was.

 So much of the lame and painful scenes never fully developed or burrowed into my brain.

The funny parts I do remember however included a hilariously overdramatic death scene, McConaughey trying to be evil in an apron, Coca-Cola endorsement served as comedy, and the destruction of the world taking place in a small city block using what looked like vomit in the sky.

There is not a lot to enjoy from the film, but mocking it and having a good laugh with buddies about it is probably the best way to enjoy a $60 million production.